Is this the life that you lead or the life that's led for you?

Woke up late, feeling worn out and unrested. Made it to work, have yet to eat my "lunch." I don't think a granola bar is going to cut it, no sir. Had a delicious dinner of striped bass, grilled shrimp, rice and vegetables in Marshfield last night.



It's been two years since I had striped bass, even though it's been quite some time I remembered exactly how it tasted. I love to go fishing, even if I've only caught one or two keepers ever. Something about being out on the ocean is soothing, it's a temporary escape from all the things racing through the machine inside my head. It's like diving into the water washes all those things away, and you can just take it easy until you get back on land.



For the past few days my mood has been all over the place, and people definitely noticed the other night, I couldn't fake it. It only made me feel worse when people kept asking if I was all right, but there's no way I'm going to answer that question honestly. It's a party, people are having a good time and I'm not dragging anyone else down with me, I'm not going to be the anchor tied to somebody's leg if I can help it. I'm not sure, maybe I shouldn't have gone out that night, but anything seemed better than just making myself feel worse by staying home by myself. I used to do that all the time and it was never helpful or productive.

No worries. I'm doing much better the past two days and the small detour on the road to happiness is done with. The rest of the way won't be easy by any means, but it's all progress.

I need to go to the bank and make a deposit, all the cash in my "safe" isn't- because I can open it and take the money out, whereas if it's on my checking card I don't spend as much.

Each day brings me closer to the cruel juxtaposition of the beginning of the semester against the carefree days of summer, but I'm looking forward to being back with some of the best people I've ever met in one of the greatest cities I've ever set foot in. Possibilities are endless, and I know that the smile on my face will be genuine, not forced or faked. My heart floats in the Bay, and it will be nice to go "home."

I'm debating whether I should leave this window open and continue to type as thoughts enter my head much like I have been for the past 40 minutes. Time to chow down on that granola bar.

today's date : 7/11. I want a slurpee.