Sunburn

Too much sun yesterday, paying for it today during a 9 hour shift.

Great Weekend, saw Inter Milan beat AC Milan 2-0 on Sunday at Gillette Stadium. AC didn't play very well, but Milito's first goal came around the 5th minute and it was well deserved. He cut back across Oguchi Onyewu and buried the shot near post. Ronaldinho had a few nice plays, including a free kick that sped past the post on the wrong side.

Completely spent today, no energy at all. Something incredible would have to be happening to get me to go out after work, I just want to pass out. Not like that will be possible at 9 when I go home but just resting tonight should let me have a life tomorrow.

Four classes next semester, definitely going to be a lot of work, requiring much more effort than last term. It's depressing, the older I get the more serious everything becomes. If maturity doesn't grow at the same rate of age-related reponsibility, there's a problem.

It's time to sacrifice some of the more irresponsible things I do and focus more on the academic side of education instead of the social part. Old habits are difficult to break, it's not going to be simple but if I can get work done ahead of time I won't be scrambling the night before an assignment is due. Or at least not as much.

I can't keep the attitude I have, there's too much at stake not to change. The fact is, if I don't get good grades and get off academic probation I won't be allowed back at USF in the Spring. No pressure, right?

Lately trying to fall asleep has been less trying - but no easier than I'm used to. Tend not to stress out as much any more, but feeling drained the day after a rough night is no good.

But each time the sun rises it's a new day with a whole different set of experiences and opportunities, and all I can do is get out of bed and meet them.

Gonna end up a big old pile of them bones

Ran into some obstacles with the apartment we're trying to get, keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best, if I'm the dealbreaker for this place - not sure what I'll do.

Not much I can do really, so instead of getting my mind all twisted up any more, I'm going to take deep breaths and count to ten - but it's not helping much.

Chelsea FC plays Seattle Sounders at 3 P.M. EST, and it looks like there will be plenty of substitutions so it will be nice to see how the team performs as a unit.

Too stressed to write anything else presently

It's time to change some things, this isn't working anymore.

Starting tomorrow, I'm on a break. No more of this do what you want to whenever you want to bullshit. Thinking more about consequences now.

Can not wait to leave home and get back to San Francisco. This is the most important semester, need to perform at the highest possible level, do my best and make sure I do not fuck it up.

Serious isn't a word I would use to describe myself, but I need to change that.

For someone with a pretty good memory, I can be pretty forgetful.

For example, this morning I tried to get into work with my house key. Thought I grabbed my work key last night on my way out of the house, and this morning I get to work and realize I'm SOL. Thankfully I was able to get everything sorted and my house isn't too far away from the job, plus my friends rescued me by shuttling me back and forth while a customer waited outside. I apologized profusely, he was understanding and told me he wasn't in a hurry or anything. Thankfully, he was still there when the store was opened and no customers were lost.

Soccer at 6:30 tonight, should have more than 5 people this time, that was no good last Sunday. Game lasted all of 25 minutes if that, 3v2 is not enjoyable, it would be more fun to just take shots. USA tied Haiti in stoppage time yesterday, after losing their 1-o lead to two unsanswered goals. Stuart Holden hit a spectacular first touch shot to the upper right corner of the net, a great strike. Czech it out - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJeTDvQsMsk

Would have been nice to see it in person, but it's not a big deal, there will be more matches to catch. The World Cup is definitely a must in this life, as is heading to Stamford Bridge and pretty much any stadium to see world class futbol. The MLS is improving, and the games are cheap as hell, but the level of play overall is just of less quality in comparison to the European leagues. This is why any talented American player must play overseas to further their career, if they're serious about taking it to the next level. Intramurals at USF and heated pick-up games are about as competitive as it gets nowadays, it's playing that matters most.

Last night the a blanket on the floor, a sleeping bag and some pillows were the bed. My back feels pretty good today, I didn't sleep that well but well enough to function.... maybe not, I did forget the key, didn't I?

No idea what's going on tonight, but it's not an issue. I'm ready to go out and misbehave, do nothing and take it easy, see a movie, or just kick it with some good people. Keeping in touch with people this summer hasn't been the easiest thing to do, but an occasional conversation or just getting a tiny update on what someone's up to makes the next face-to-face more meaningful. You don't have to go over all the little things because you're already aware of some of those details, allowing conversation to open up into other things.

Been working on not saying as much lately, trying to listen more instead of rambling. It's a bad habit and I sure as hell notice when someone else is dragging on, and that's definitely not a one-way street. I'm probably more guilty than the people I roll my eyes at. Maybe making a list of things for myself to work on would be helpful, it's nice to have a reminder.

I need to hit every single Marshall's and go searching for some new shirts, shorts and pants. all of my clothes are too big. This is a huge pain in the ass because I love my t-shirts, and I have so many of them. Is it weird that I'm attached to my collection? I don't think so - I picked all that stuff out because I liked it and wanted to wear it. Maybe I can sell some of my wardrobe to put towards new stuff, but maybe I'll hang on to the stuff I like the best that kind of fits and throw it all in the dryer a bunch, or just stubbornly wear it even though it's too big. Simultaneously, I am excited to be on the hunt for new stuff, so I'm full of conflicted emotions. Maybe I should phase the stuff out little by little, or just make a clean cut and offload it all at once. Charity would be a good thing to do, but I am pretty strapped for cash and in real need of some stuff that fits.

Oh well. If I can sell anything that's awesome, but if it all goes to charity I won't sweat it - I'm complaining about this shit while there are plenty of people who will never have enough clothing, or ever own things that are the right size. Does that make me a bad person? A little bit, I think.

Enough writing in this for today. Since I've been writing here I have stopped writing poetry and songs, I was doing that quite a bit a couple months ago. As long as there's words on the page, I'm happy.

Is this the life that you lead or the life that's led for you?

Woke up late, feeling worn out and unrested. Made it to work, have yet to eat my "lunch." I don't think a granola bar is going to cut it, no sir. Had a delicious dinner of striped bass, grilled shrimp, rice and vegetables in Marshfield last night.



It's been two years since I had striped bass, even though it's been quite some time I remembered exactly how it tasted. I love to go fishing, even if I've only caught one or two keepers ever. Something about being out on the ocean is soothing, it's a temporary escape from all the things racing through the machine inside my head. It's like diving into the water washes all those things away, and you can just take it easy until you get back on land.



For the past few days my mood has been all over the place, and people definitely noticed the other night, I couldn't fake it. It only made me feel worse when people kept asking if I was all right, but there's no way I'm going to answer that question honestly. It's a party, people are having a good time and I'm not dragging anyone else down with me, I'm not going to be the anchor tied to somebody's leg if I can help it. I'm not sure, maybe I shouldn't have gone out that night, but anything seemed better than just making myself feel worse by staying home by myself. I used to do that all the time and it was never helpful or productive.

No worries. I'm doing much better the past two days and the small detour on the road to happiness is done with. The rest of the way won't be easy by any means, but it's all progress.

I need to go to the bank and make a deposit, all the cash in my "safe" isn't- because I can open it and take the money out, whereas if it's on my checking card I don't spend as much.

Each day brings me closer to the cruel juxtaposition of the beginning of the semester against the carefree days of summer, but I'm looking forward to being back with some of the best people I've ever met in one of the greatest cities I've ever set foot in. Possibilities are endless, and I know that the smile on my face will be genuine, not forced or faked. My heart floats in the Bay, and it will be nice to go "home."

I'm debating whether I should leave this window open and continue to type as thoughts enter my head much like I have been for the past 40 minutes. Time to chow down on that granola bar.

today's date : 7/11. I want a slurpee.

I don't have it with me but I keep a good attitude

Totally wired from the iced coffee I downed before work.

Uncomfortably energetic at the moment, leg going haywire while I sit in my chair. The nice weather has left again, but it can't rain all the time. I can't even get a solid train of thought going, that's how ridiculous this caffeine high is at the moment.

Weather like this offers a break from the routine, and a much needed one at that. My low fuel light has been on for too long, I need a day/night off to refuel. I look forward to developing my latest FIFA manager project of Rotherham. Some people don't understand the fun in making a team and taking them to the top, and that's fine. I've started off with teams in the Premier League and while you have the funds to sign your favorite players, it's much less fun and challenging to start at the top tier.

It's one of my dreams to manage a soccer team, and realistically it will never happen at that level, maybe I'll coach kids, I feel like I might be all right at it, because I'm aware of the most important thing: If the players aren't having fun, you're doing it wrong. It's despicable watching youth coaches pigeonhole children into a single position, or having them play favorites and bench the same players consistently. That is fucked.

Coffee is wearing off and now I feel drained.

It's Tuesday, and I'm ready to go home and just take it easy until tomorrow, unless something worth doing is going on. Even then, I am so burnt out from the past couple of weeks, I might just turn off my phone and lay low for the night.

Do not be this type of customer

I'm not really that upset about these kinds of people, but they come in often enough and sometimes on the same day that this is worth writing about.

The "I need directions, but I'm going to pretend like I might buy something for 5 minutes" customer.

You know why you're in here, so do I. You're lost and need some directions. I'll give them to you gladly if I know how to get where you're trying to go, but for Christ's sake don't do a couple laps around the store after you get what you came for. Do you have anything besides your pen and paper? You're not going to buy anything, and it's not being more polite to act like making a purchase is a possibility. Get the hell out and get on your way, or BUY something. Don't make me watch you pick up different things and put them all back, I just want to get back to whatever it was I had been doing before you walked in. At least buy a water or something else we sell for $1 instead of this charade, it's a waste of time for both of us.

The "I saw you count out my change two times, and slowly- but I'm still going to count everything in front of you before I leave" customer.

Whether you're a big spender with the $100, or just getting a $5 and 5 $1's for your ten, don't insult me by counting it out a third time. I deliberately count the change slowly, especially if someone gives me $100 or $50 or more, and not only once but twice. Why do you have to stand there and do it again yourself? I'm not a magician, I didn't palm any of your cash, and I sure as hell didn't short you. I may not be very good at math but the cash register does that for me, so you can either continue to be a pain in my ass or PAY ATTENTION as I count your change back to you the first or second time, or both.

The "I don't remember the wine I bought but you should be able to based off of my shitty description" customer.

Self-explanatory. Save the bottle, write down the name, but don't expect me to remember what you purchased the last time you were here. If you can't remember it must not have been good enough for the name to stick in your memory. Frankly, I don't care about your predicament, and there's absolutely nothing helpful in what you're telling me.

Honorable mentions:
The "I heard you say thank you and have a nice day, but I'm not going to acknowledge it" customer
The "I fucked up opening this bottle and want to exchange it" customer
The "Let me tell you how shitty my day is for 20-30 minutes" customer
The "I'm in a rush and am going to take out all my frustration on you" customer

I could keep going, but you get the point. There are all sorts of people you deal with when you're behind a register, and not all of them are bad. Some make you laugh, change the way you see your life a little bit, and others make you appreciate things more. It's not that difficult to act like a human being, and why on earth would you give the person selling you your precious alcohol a hard time? Does your life suck that much, that you have to berate a young man doing his job, and providing you with a service? Just because you think you're more important than other people or like I should be grateful you decided to shop here doesn't make you hot shit by any means. The other customers talk shit about you after you leave, because you're the only one who doesn't realize how obnoxious you are.

And if you do things like that and are aware of it you're just not a good person. Go get a hug or something, but don't make my worse just because you're unhappy.

Oh what a night

I brought three books into work today, and have yet to read a single word. I've been rifling through all the soccer news I can find, through goal.com, espn, sports illustrated and msn. Last night? Incredible. I'm looking forward to the next shindig of that size and nature we throw.

Fireworks, Friends, a fire, and festivities. All alliteration aside, I'm quite satisfied with July 4, 2009. Maybe there will be enough people to play 3v3 tonight, but I'm not going to hold my breath. It's another sunny, beautiful day and any negatives are vastly outweighed by the scenery. To go from about four days without rain in June to two solid days of sun in the first 5 days of July restores some of my belief in karma, or just some kind of balancing force in the universe. Call me what you will, but if you don't believe what goes around comes around in some way, shape or form you might just be an asshole. If you constantly act like a dick then you might not get the same perspective.

Either way, I'm not complaining about this weather. Sure, I love a good rainshower, and am a huge fan of sunshowers, but I did not pack the climate of San Francisco in my bags when I flew home in May - it must have snuck in the luggage as a stowaway.

This summer is packed with things to do, and that's something entirely new to me. I'm used to being lazy, working, and just taking it easy at home more often than not. This is no longer the case. There's almost always something going on, and why not experience as much as you possibly can before summer ends?

When you get back wherever you're going, don't you want to have something to say to your friends when they ask what you did this summer? I certainly do.

Well, I feel bad for neglecting these books, and I have about an hour and a half to put some kind of dent in my reading, so I'm going to get started.

Fourth of July, explosions in the sky

I've only seen fireworks once outside the U.S. In Venice, celebrating the day the plague left a long time ago. I've done some stupid things with fireworks in the past, luckily nobody was hurt, aside from a small burn or two and some singed hair.

Beautiful day, a few clouds in the endless blue above, bright sun shining down on everything and a smile on almost every face you see. And why not? It's America's birthday, and we're all invited. Barbecue, head out to sea, or just sit down with some friends and enjoy a few.

Even if it's not nice where you are, even if you aren't in the States, have a wonderful day. Cheers.