Saturday, August 15, 2009

Brought three books to work today, eleven hours until freedom. It's way too early to tell if I'll be going out tonight or just lying down and resting after I get out.

Desperately need to clean my room and find my grandfather's dogtag - it's been missing for about three weeks and I would be extremely upset if I lost it.

Time is running out, this is the last saturday I have at home until christmas.

Chelsea FC won over Hull City today thanks to a brace by Didier Drogba, the second goal coming in the 92nd minute. A good start to the season, but they need to put games away much earlier.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Fuck insomnia and sleep apnea. Tonight I sleep well and wake well rested right and ready for the new day.

I'm drunk. Cheers

Thursday, August 6, 2009

It's a new school year in about three weeks, and a new opportunity to aim for something more than the grades I can get without applying myself. I would really like to do well this year, not going to be easy but it won't be the most difficult thing either.

Things are going to change but definitely not on their own, and not in the way I want them to unless I step up and do something about it. It's easy to say you're going to do something, but unless my actions speak for themselves that's all there is - just talk.

In order to be happier I need to set realistic goals and do everything I can to get there. I may act differently than I have in the past, and it would be helpful if I wasn't going to be pressured by the people I know to do something I might not want to.

If you can't accept the fact that I want to start living a little bit differently and start being more responsible, I don't really need you around me all the time.

This is my ladt chance to get off of academic probation or I'm thrown out of school. That's pretty fucking serious, I can't afford to put forth anything less than my best effort, and there are sacrifices that have to be made in order to perform at that level.

I'm scared that being off campus and living with my best friends will be a major obstacle to overcome.

Ultimately it's up to me to make the most out of my situation, and I won't have anyone to blame but myself if I mess things up.

There have been many important moments in my life, and pressure is nothing new but if I can get off of academic probation this semester then I will have accomplished one of many goals I have set for myself - and that's what is most important right now.

I'm going to need a little help making sure I stay on top of everything, but I can't expect it, because if I sit around waiting for somebody to give me a hand and nothing happens I'm in way over my head.

I won't lie, I'm petrified. Every day is going to be a challenge, and every day I'll have to try and meet that challenge and overcome the things in my way. Motivation has always been a problem for me, procrastination is my go-to when something gets assigned. I pray that I can manage my time better and not leave things until it's too late to do my best work. Too many times I find myself finishing up a paper right before class starts, handing in something I'm not especially proud of.

It's almost a new year, and a chance to do things differently this time around.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Enough

I'm unhappy. With myself.

And I have the next six and half hours at work to sit and think about why and how, and maybe come up with solutions to some of these problems.

Going to write a little bit and try to get some of these emotions out on paper so they don't sit inside my head any more.