Too long

It's been too long, I waited too long, again.

With the amount of writing I must do and turn in before tomorrow night, I can still say for certain I want to write for a living, as much as I may hate some of what I have to do now, I FUCKING LOVE TO WRITE

Big day tomorrow. Trying these energy chews to see if they help kickstart me into an alert awake mode so i get out of bed when i wake up instead of rolling around for hours to get another 40 minutes of sleep.

wasn't the most productive over break. kind of dropped the ball.

no worries, i can do it

It's beautiful out. Off to Golden Gate Park!

With double deuce and Kena. It's too nice out to waste any more time- I'm going outside

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The things we meant to accomplish are accomplishments
but to achieve one must believe in oneself
and the concept of self-sacrifice

To gamble you have to roll the dice
and let go of regret, attempt to forget
The die cast in the past or the last time
you lost, at whatever personal cost.

These events may serve as memories
we cherish or want to perish and fade
but that's how this game of life is played

poetry

Shattered

good enough
neither nor
live or die
either or

good enough
never is
empty rooms
ignorance is bliss

when everyone's around
no one
can be found
(look in the mirror)
what do you see?forgive you?
forgive who?
you're dead to me
as much as he is

now read this
and laugh or cry, why?
don't care

There,there
I know that this
may hurt your head
but just know that he
can still see through you
like we all do
instead you pretend
that it's all right.
well you started the fight
but my hands are by my side

foolish pride tore this family apart
a cold heart still beating
life is fleeting
and soon you'll be dead
and I won't give a shit.

You've made your bed
now die in it.


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and it seems a little brighter when the sun's going down
feels like we can do anything in this small town
for a few minutes as hands pass the light
the air was a bit sweeter, it all burned a bit brighter

they climbed and climbed and
for everyone the view was different
some focused on the edge and looked down in fear
while others stepped boldly onto invisible stairs

when they came back down the sun had set
and everything seemed the same

the torch is passed as
the first ray of dawn
and last ray of twilight meet

and for a while longer
everything burned a bit brighter.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

The Jester Has Lost His Jingle

Giving a speech on the author of this amazing children's book, David Saltzman.

He died 11 days shy of 23, and produced a classic in the face of Hodgkin's disease. I'm ashamed to think of myself as an aspiring writer when I read about David's story. I hope to some day create something that has such an impact on people, but that's not happening without some responsibility and adult behavior.

It's a shame and a blessing when you exit the "Big Nothing" like Elliott Smith's song. "You can do what you want to, whenever you want to though it don't mean a thing."

Parting from the state of confusion is not easy, and I don't mean to break away forever, but I certainly need to confront the problems I'm faced with. I have the means to do it, my engines aren't really ever full and without concerta to help me focus I do have a really hard time concentrating, in class, on work, reading, anything really.

But the thing is the productivity and positivity that are the comeuppance of focusing one's energy is astounding. I want to soar.